Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
