so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
