I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
