jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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