I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Semen is not good for contacts.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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