Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
