you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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