I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
