i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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