I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I will pee on everything he values.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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