I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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