Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
