im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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