my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
