remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
