if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
