what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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