Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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