I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
40s are totally the cure
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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