Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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