halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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