That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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