I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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