Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
