i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
