South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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