Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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