How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
