on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
