Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
