I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
