I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
