I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
