If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
