Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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