I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
