so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
