watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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