Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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