Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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