I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
