just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
