She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
