I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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