I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
