And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
