I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
