the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
