Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
