One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
be right there i have to get my cape
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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