I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
