i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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