shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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